I really was not planning to continue this blog, since I do
an incredibly poor job of updating it and generally feel that I have very little
to say that many would find interesting. But, I have since been reminded that
writing helps me process thoughts better. And if it encourages someone else in
the process, all the better! All this to say, my ramblings will continue.
Prepare yourselves. :)
Life update: I graduated (yay!), have a full-time job as a
retail dietitian, am an adjunct professor at Iowa, turned another year older, and
life in general has been good. Definitely busier than what I thought – after all,
your life gets less crazy the older you get, right? (You can laugh at me now –
because I am). I believed at least some of the busyness would subside with not
being in school, but that has not been the case. I’ve maintained my long-held
belief of “just keep plowing through”, so at least I have that going for me.
And I wouldn’t not be involved in any of the things that occupy my time. So I’ve
decided to quit complaining about it and continue to enjoy the various
opportunities, relationships, and activities that God has placed in my path.
One incredibly beneficial activity I’ve been able to be
involved in this fall is a discipleship group at my church. More focused on how
we cultivate a Gospel-filled life, how to disciple others, and theology versus
solely Bible study, this is exactly what I needed at this point in my life. I
had inklings, but didn’t fully realize, how many spiritual things I’ve either
not thought through completely or have ignored for the past 6ish years while
being in college. I don’t regret decisions I made about my faith and how I
engaged in it during these years, but I am definitely aware that more
intentional cultivation needs to happen as I embark in my adult life.
One area of weakness that has become especially obvious to
me during this study is that of insecurity and self-worth. I have always had a
firm foundation in my worth being defined as a child of God whose sole purpose
and mission is to serve and enjoy Him. I am ever-thankful that my parents
instilled this in me at a young age. However much I may hold this belief,
however, deeper reflection has revealed that I don’t always act that way.
Take my job, for example. First, starting a new job is
always hard and you will be worried about a variety of things. However, I have
noticed that I have been thinking much more about how my actions are perceived,
how others subsequently treat me, and other similar things, which in turn play
into how I feel about my work. Some of this is a good thing, to be sure. Reflexivity
is often beneficial. But, I also cannot let these thoughts cripple me or make
me feel awkward and ineffective all the time.
In a similar way, my relationships with others should not
define my worth or security in myself. Obviously, these relationships with
family, friends, and others are incredibly important. And being someone who is
rather extroverted and incredibly people-centered, likely I am more affected by
this than others. However, I need to derive my ultimate assurance of worth,
satisfaction, and security in Christ alone.
When I take the time to dig through my thoughts and actions
down to the core, it is amazing how many are rooted in these sinful patterns of
insecurity. Naming and owning it is part of solving the problem, but the true
solution comes when these things cause us to fall all the more on Christ’s
atonement and God’s redeeming love and grace. I cannot be full and complete on
my own, to be sure. But, I do happen to have a God who makes this possible and who uses these things to draw me closer to Himself. And
for that I am forever thankful.
Now that my philosophizing for the day is complete and the
temperature has risen to 20 degrees, I think it’s time for a Saturday morning
run. We’re even supposed to get snow today, so I’m pretty excited. J Enjoy the day,
friends!
