On Love and Being Loved, Part Two

As a continuation of my previous reflections on love, I wanted to follow up with something a bit more specific: What human love really is. I know this varies depending on the person, the relationship, the circumstances, the like. Everyone is different. But, I do think there are some similarities.

And so, this post may really only end up being a shout-out to those in my life who do an amazing job of loving me and others. But, hopefully, this can be encouraging to you, too. Likely you help many people feel incredibly loved without realizing it. I often don’t feel as though I do a very good job at showing love to those around me. But, in that, I’ve went astray: I’m not the one doing the loving. Rather, letting God work through me and being willing to carry out His work is how to share and demonstrate this love.  

Now, without any further ado, the real meat of this message: What love really is.

Love is all the time, not just Valentine’s Day. Few things drive me more insane than the commercialism and single-day-nature of Valentine’s Day romanticism. It is a special day, for sure, and who doesn’t like valentines? However, I honestly really don’t care how I’m treated one day a year; I care about how I’m treated the other 364 days of the year.

One of the things I remember vividly about my parents’ relationship is that both lived this sentiment well. Valentine’s Day wasn’t a big deal – in fact, they even both forgot their anniversary one year. But, they never forgot they love they had for each other, which was visible on a daily basis. My dad would bring my mom home her favorite Girl Scout cookies when a coworker’s daughter was selling them or spontaneously buy roses or a plant because he thought it would brighten the kitchen (a location in which my mother, having five children at home, spent much of her time.) My mom made their house a home, caring for it, the kids, the day-to-day work; she would daily pack my dad’s lunch and make his favorite foods on especially rough days. My parents regularly made time to spend together. When my dad worked twelve hour days and my mom was busy caring for a home and homeschooling, I can imagine that was pretty difficult. But, they made it a priority. And because of this, they are still best friends and forever valentines almost twenty-seven years later.

                 My parents, Josiah and myself at the wedding.

In a similar way, Josiah has always very much demonstrated his love for me in real ways, both tangible and intangible. After my parents told him that I get rather, uh, cranky when I’m hungry, Josiah made sure to have my car stocked with (dietitian-approved) nonperishable snacks. Even before we were married, he insisted on doing the dishes each night before heading back to his apartment because he knew that messes stress me out. On more than one occasion (and often on no occasion in particular), he had flowers delivered to me at work because he knows how much I love any and all things green and floral. He custom-designed my engagement ring because he knew that I don’t really like big gemstones or traditional designs. He scrapes the car off every morning before I leave for work so that I don’t have to be out in the cold. I think you get the picture: He shows me, not simply tells me, that he loves me. Verbalizing love is important, too, but so are actions. If my reformed upbringing taught me nothing else, it instilled in my mind a sense of “actions speak louder than words.” I need to be intentional and do something about the things I say. And, while this may not be true always, I do definitely think it is such in regards to love.

And so, I challenge you: How can you show love to someone today, tomorrow on Valentine’s Day, and this upcoming week or year? It may be through something as simple as a smile or quick text message, or maybe through something as elaborate as a special meal or time spent together. And, of course, it should be something through which the other person will feel loved, not just an idea that you personally would like. However, whatever the avenue, know that it does matter; your actions will add true meaning and value to your words of love.