Of love and marriage

So, a few months ago, I met a guy. At church. A pretty nice one. I quickly came to appreciate his caring and kind spirit, witty and honestly sometimes slapstick sense of humor, and love for learning. Also, let’s face it, he’s an engineer, and we all know how dietitians and engineers tend to get along rather well. J  This appreciation grew into something much deeper and I must say that the past six months of knowing and growing closer to this man have been an immense blessing. But, this is not meant to be a “my boyfriend is amazing and I’m super happy” post (although, both of those facts are indeed true), but rather some way to coherently put together some things that have been floating around in my mind for some time as I’ve tried to piece together how my life could change and what that means for my service to God.

At face value, nothing has changed. I still engage in the same church and spiritual activities as previously. I still love people of all sizes, shapes, and sorts. I continue to desire for my life’s work to be to glorify God with the gifts He’s given me by serving others. But, somehow, these things all suddenly seemed threatened when I began pondering what exactly potential marriage would mean to these core elements of Martha. What if I cannot perform the same (or as many) volunteer activities as before? What if my work or family situation would change? How am I serving God then? And in this, I realized that somehow, my Reformed, Protestant upbringing (and very likely just the way my mind works), didn’t leave me with a great idea of how being married or pursuing marriage helps enables one to serve God. I very much believed that marriage was instituted by God to bring him glory, carried with it distinct responsibilities and privileges, and also was for the good of society at large. I had no qualms with the institution of marriage per se, but rather how exactly Martha could be serving God better in this role than in her current role as a single, newly graduated registered dietitian.

This Tim Keller quote, shared by a dear and wise church friend, was the first item to get me thinking more about what exactly this whole marriage thing is about:

Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey that you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!’ “ (The Meaning of Marriage, p. 132).

As time went on, I started to actually read Keller’s book and talked to God, my parents, and others who care about me to help me grasp a greater understanding of how marriage could be a good thing – and could be a good thing for me. You may be half laughing to yourself, “Oh, Martha….” And, I would agree. I overthink most things, particularly important ones. However, I also am someone that needs to have a reason for things that I do, reasons that are grounded in Scripture and what I sense God is leading me towards. I do not take things lightly. Some people may not require this much processing time (so please do not feel bad if you do not connect with my sentiments!), but I definitely do.

Through my ponderings and God revealing to me more what marriage should mean/look like, I came to realize these things:

-Marriage is a way to make you holy. Actually, that’s kind of the whole point.

-Marriage is a way of displaying to the world the relationship that Christ has with the Church.

-Marriage is the way through which godly offspring are to be brought into the world.

-Marriage is not something that you have to have. Nor is it something you should avoid. It is something that God gives as a gift according to the council of His will.

-Aspects of marriage and such companionship can bring pleasure – and that isn’t wrong. Should that be your primary and only motivator? Absolutely not. But, can you enjoy what God has given you? I think the answer is most definitely yes.

-More directly serving one person through a marital relationship (versus many people at large) does not make one lesser. It is not less service to God. It is not more. It is simply another way through which God has provided us to glorify and enjoy Him.

I think I can get behind those reasons. Obviously, I probably wouldn’t want to pursue marrying someone that I wasn’t attracted to in other ways. But, many of these aforementioned items are things that I am already passionate about. I very much desire to serve others in meaningful, relational ways. I want to proclaim Christ to the world. I love kids and teaching them about God. And so, I came to decide that I had no reason to be at unrest because I was pursuing a more serious dating relationship. I’m still Martha, and God still loves me, and He will still use me in the best way possible to serve His purposes.

It’s hard, isn’t it, to shift our mindset of how we think God can use us? As I reflected more, I found that my identity was very much rooted in being single. Which, again, is not a bad thing. Probably just as well at times during the crazy busyness of studying that was my undergraduate experience. J But, truly, if my identity is found in being single rather than that of being a child of God, whose primary purpose is to glorify and enjoy Him – in WHATEVER situation that may be – how it this really any different than someone finding their identity in dating someone? Or being married? Or being a missionary? Or a mom? Or any other thing that replaces God? I really don’t think there is any difference, and if there is it is negligible. No matter whether you’re married, single, or somewhere in-between, God has it figured out and will give you the grace you need to accept when those life situations (almost identifiers in our culture) change. He is not thwarted by our human plans and desires, but rather uses them for His glory – which is incredibly comforting, freeing, and humbling all at the same time.

As I’ve already mentioned, I really, really hesitated to actually post this blog entry. I didn’t want to be one of *those* people who post gushy posts about their significant other and how happy they are. But, a part of me feels that there is probably someone out there who needs to hear some words of encouragement. Also, a semi-recurring fear in the back of my mind: What if things with this particular individual don’t work out and then I have this whole post – won’t that be super awkward? But, even in thinking this thought, I am again missing the entire point of everything I just wrote. I am a child of the King. Nothing more. Nothing less. If my identity is rooted in this, I cannot veer astray.

In the meantime, I am walking very contentedly and happily along the path in which God has placed me, assured that no matter what occurs, He will continue to lead me in the proper way.

______________________________________

So, the above post was written by me in late March of this year. Fast-forward to yesterday, July 8, a day in which I made the decision to accept and embrace the blessing that God has given me in the form of a fiancé. His name is Josiah, he’s super great, and here’s a picture because I know you all want to see it:

He managed to surprise me utterly and completely (I was expecting this question to be asked later in the year), and truly did an amazing and humbling job in caring and honoring me that day. The ring included. I’ll probably post more about all that at some point. But, today, too much. Gotta get the story honed down to a 5 minute soundbite for interactions with friends and coworkers. J

Currently, I’m honestly in a state of many and confused feelings. I’m excited, super happy, and feel incredibly loved. Honestly, in a way that is very different and so much greater than anything I've experienced before. There are also elements of surprise, “what on earth just happened”, and honestly even a little bit of uncertainty if I made the right choice. But, I also think those feelings are completely normal. And Josiah has been great in supporting me in all those feelings and assuring me that he loves me for who I am. Just because I’m not outwardly elated and pinging off the walls (not saying that anyone else acted that way yesterday…. J) does in no means indicate that I’m not equally happy and excited for what God has in store. As I’ve trusted God in many decisions for many years, I will continue to trust Him in this one. I am humbled beyond measure to be so loved, both by God and by Josiah, and truly am in awe at the goodness demonstrated in it all. I’ve never doubted that God is good and loving, in spite of my many imperfections, but certain things in life make this all the more evident. This is definitely an indication and reminder of that great love. 

And I couldn’t be happier.

The more things change...

The more they stay the same. I do agree with some connotations of this time-honored phrase. I thought I would be less busy after finishing grad school. I’m not. I thought a new job would make me all the more convinced that I would love being a dietitian. It has not. (Well, at least not often enough for my liking). I thought I would have my life together and feel mature enough to handle it when I was 24. I definitely do not.

And another thing that definitely has not changed for me: My inability to handle silence. Pretty sure there is another blog post on here to that effect. Don’t get me wrong, I do like a little quiet every now and then. A country kid at heart, living in a city (yes, Iowa City is a big place to me; I give you permission to laugh at me) can sometimes be a challenge. I need to be outside in the quiet on a regular basis. I am also one of those odd people that enjoys silence when they’re home alone. I’ll occasionally play music, but I overall very much appreciate the silence after being around intercoms, noise, and commotion for 10-12 hours a day.

So what exactly is the type of silence I struggle to handle? That of not being around people. Alone time is important, don’t get me wrong, but my quota of alone time is 30-60 minutes a day tops and then I start to go stir crazy. Maybe it’s because I grew up always around my family. Maybe it’s just because God has willed for me to be an incredibly extroverted and people-loving individual. I really don’t know. But I do know that it is a hard thing for me to process. And sometimes Martha left with too much processing time can be a very interesting thing…

I spent Christmas this year predominantly solo. Please know that this is not a plea for feel-sorry-for-me pity. My situation this Christmas happened of my own choosing due to conflicting work/family/life schedules. And as a result of these occurrences, I was able to spend part of the afternoon with a pretty great guy. So all was most definitely not lost. J But, this did cause me to ponder, yet again, why I struggle so much with being by myself – for more than an hour. Maybe I don’t want to take the time (or be perceptive and patient enough) to actually think about deeper life questions. Maybe it’s because I’m more exhausted than I care to admit and am embarrassed when I catch myself falling asleep when I was not intending to. (No joke, I went to bed at 7:40 p.m. last night). Or, maybe it’s because humankind is meant to be innately social. Or maybe it is for none of these reasons. I still have no good answers except for the fact that I know it happens and I’m still trying to figure out how exactly to handle it.

I do think it’s a good thing, to be a bit uncomfortable sometimes, to have time and space to think, and to actually take the time to do so. I wonder if the root of all these struggles I have with silence (and rest, for that matter) is that I am a bit too much of a Martha. In spite of the fact that I wrote my entire Christian Scriptures II exegesis to prove that Martha was not as evil as we often make her out to be, I will admit that she had some flaws, ones that I definitely possess. I’m almost always “doing", never resting, not always reflecting, and these are, when boiled down to the heart of the matter, ways to try and exert myself as a mini-god over my life. I was raised a good enough Calvinist to know that I am not solely in control of my life. But, by keeping myself constantly busy, immersed in “noise”, etc., I am in essence saying that I think I can live my life the way I want and please God. No rest or silence needed, both of which God instituted for our own good. For the past 6+ years, God has been trying to get my attention in that area. And while I covered this up with college, grad school, etc., these things are not excuses. It’s really only been over the past 6-12 months that I’ve thought more deeply about these things and tried to make intentional changes – not only for my own sanity and wellbeing, but more importantly to follow the life pattern God has laid out for His people.

Please do not take this all to mean I think I’m a terrible person because I like to be busy and love people, because I don’t. I know God gifted me in those ways for a reason and these Martha-tendencies can be used for His glory. But, I also know, it is very easy to have my biggest strengths become my biggest weaknesses – a phrase my dad repeated often from a sermon or some such source during my childhood. And it is true. And thus I am glad that God has, once again, reminded me of my need for still silence as well as my need for Him.

So, if you’re in a similar place, know you have found a kindred spirit. If not, hopefully this helps you appreciate that the struggle is real for some of us extroverted, busy humans. Good thing God made us all different, isn’t it? I am ever-thankful that He extends His grace to even the most complicated and confused folk such as me. 

Being Secure in Insecurity

I really was not planning to continue this blog, since I do an incredibly poor job of updating it and generally feel that I have very little to say that many would find interesting. But, I have since been reminded that writing helps me process thoughts better. And if it encourages someone else in the process, all the better! All this to say, my ramblings will continue. Prepare yourselves. :)

Life update: I graduated (yay!), have a full-time job as a retail dietitian, am an adjunct professor at Iowa, turned another year older, and life in general has been good. Definitely busier than what I thought – after all, your life gets less crazy the older you get, right? (You can laugh at me now – because I am). I believed at least some of the busyness would subside with not being in school, but that has not been the case. I’ve maintained my long-held belief of “just keep plowing through”, so at least I have that going for me. And I wouldn’t not be involved in any of the things that occupy my time. So I’ve decided to quit complaining about it and continue to enjoy the various opportunities, relationships, and activities that God has placed in my path.

One incredibly beneficial activity I’ve been able to be involved in this fall is a discipleship group at my church. More focused on how we cultivate a Gospel-filled life, how to disciple others, and theology versus solely Bible study, this is exactly what I needed at this point in my life. I had inklings, but didn’t fully realize, how many spiritual things I’ve either not thought through completely or have ignored for the past 6ish years while being in college. I don’t regret decisions I made about my faith and how I engaged in it during these years, but I am definitely aware that more intentional cultivation needs to happen as I embark in my adult life.

One area of weakness that has become especially obvious to me during this study is that of insecurity and self-worth. I have always had a firm foundation in my worth being defined as a child of God whose sole purpose and mission is to serve and enjoy Him. I am ever-thankful that my parents instilled this in me at a young age. However much I may hold this belief, however, deeper reflection has revealed that I don’t always act that way.

Take my job, for example. First, starting a new job is always hard and you will be worried about a variety of things. However, I have noticed that I have been thinking much more about how my actions are perceived, how others subsequently treat me, and other similar things, which in turn play into how I feel about my work. Some of this is a good thing, to be sure. Reflexivity is often beneficial. But, I also cannot let these thoughts cripple me or make me feel awkward and ineffective all the time.

In a similar way, my relationships with others should not define my worth or security in myself. Obviously, these relationships with family, friends, and others are incredibly important. And being someone who is rather extroverted and incredibly people-centered, likely I am more affected by this than others. However, I need to derive my ultimate assurance of worth, satisfaction, and security in Christ alone. 

When I take the time to dig through my thoughts and actions down to the core, it is amazing how many are rooted in these sinful patterns of insecurity. Naming and owning it is part of solving the problem, but the true solution comes when these things cause us to fall all the more on Christ’s atonement and God’s redeeming love and grace. I cannot be full and complete on my own, to be sure. But, I do happen to have a God who makes this possible and who uses these things to draw me closer to Himself. And for that I am forever thankful.

Now that my philosophizing for the day is complete and the temperature has risen to 20 degrees, I think it’s time for a Saturday morning run. We’re even supposed to get snow today, so I’m pretty excited. J Enjoy the day, friends! 

Culture. It matters.

       Wow, my history at updating this thing is beyond nonexistent…whoops! Let’s just sum up the last four months with: It’s been crazy busy, filled with more than I ever thought possible, I’ve grown a lot as a person, and I’ll be done with classes in one week. I know that description doesn’t do things justice, but…

       This year has thus far been filled with many triumphs and joys, but definitely not without corresponding trials, sorrows, and ever-copious amounts of incredibly hard work. Life has been full, academically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, and otherwise. I truly think this semester has been one of the most enjoyable and also influential for forming my thought process and how I see myself working in the future. At the very least, I think I’ve finally found my niche. I am yet to be enlightened on what exactly that will look like, but, I know God will let me know in due time.

       My elective courses this semester include maternal, child, & family health and also promoting health equity, both of which pretty well encompass my passions. I also had the opportunity to travel to Washington D.C. with the Iowa Academy of Nutrition & Dietetics for a public policy workshop. Talk about being out of your comfort zone…an inexperienced Midwesterner talking to legislators on the hill, especially when politics aren’t exactly your favorite thing. But, I was able to discover that I actually do like this type of work, likely related to the fact that I would talk to anyone, anytime, about anything. Extrovert problems. But, I am excited to be more involved in public policy work in various ways over the upcoming year.

       One recurring thought and reflection I have had this semester revolves around the concept of culture. Prior to this term, I honestly thought of myself as one without a culture. After all, I don’t fit into a cultural or ethnic minority group, I couldn’t really tell you my ancestry if I had to (eastern European is about as good as it gets), I’ve never been oppressed, I’ve never really moved (I feel like the Illinois to Iowa transition doesn’t really count), and I don’t necessarily fit in with the American mainstream culture. However, my lack of acknowledgement of my own unique background, experiences, privileges, challenges, barriers, and other such factors is actually potentially harmful as I interact with others. If I’m not willing to recognize myself in these ways, I am not truly able to see the entirety of the individual sitting next to me – whether that be a student, patient, or friend.

       So, what is my culture? Terms like Christian, Midwestern, moderately conservative, female, homeschooled, Caucasian, twenty-something, grad student, and other similar terms immediately come to my mind. But, I’ve increasingly realized that there is much more to my story than checking boxes off a demographic sorting sheet. Even if I don’t think my story is interesting, it is important. What makes me Martha? How is my worldview shaped by my culture? What does this mean for my interactions with others? I need to be aware of my own biases and beliefs before I can help others in the most effective and humane way. Even for things as “simple” as nutrition education and counseling. Or teaching. Or talking to someone at the grocery store. These things matter. So, I challenge you, what is YOUR culture?

       Yes, these are the things I think about when my mind needs a break from other things. Who knew the dietitian could be philosophical. But, I’m afraid my procrastinating under the guise of blogging should probably come to an end. Now to start researching evaluation data for the National School Lunch Program for that 15 page paper due next week…

2013

       One of my biggest pet peeves is celebrating holidays (or any occasion, for that matter) without remembering the background meaning. So, on Christmas, I reflect on Christ’s birth. On the 4^th of July, you’ll probably find that I’ve read the Declaration of Independence recently. I doubt I’m unique in this, but, I do like to be a conscientious celebrator.

       So, today, I’ve taken time to reflect on the past year. I’ve noticed several friends’ posts regarding all that has happened over the past year and have been reminded that a lot happens in a year. A year ago, I was hopeful, but not very confident, that I would still be in Iowa City. I would never have guessed that I would now be employed as an RD at UIHC or teaching classes at UI this academic year. In 2013, I celebrated my second graduation in two years, passed my RD (thankfully, after 5 years of work!), continued grad school as a second year MPH student, moved into my own apartment, purchased my first car (sad to see the Alero go, but, I do like my little Honda Fit), have taken on more responsibilities at church, moved into the 21^st century with my first smart phone, and probably many other things that have slipped my memory. I’ve been challenged, in both good and perhaps not so good ways. I’ve strengthened existing friendships and gained many new friends, for which I am incredibly grateful. A few things that I’ve learned or been even more convinced of their importance this past year:

1. Never underestimate the importance of smiling at someone. Truly, I think it is among the easiest, comforting, and meaningful things that we can do as humans.

2. Take time for people and invest in them. Worth it every time.

3. The more you learn, the more you realize you have absolutely no clue.

4. Reflexivity is incredibly important. Interesting that it took my qualitative research methods course for me to realize how beneficial (and disturbing at times, to be honest) it can be to reflect on things.

5. New situations are only difficult and challenging if you believe them to be. Fake it ‘til you make it if nothing else.

6. Being a teacher is ten times harder than anyone thinks, whether actually teaching classes, leading children in learning music, or helping interns learn to become competent, confident RDs. The content is the easy part, it’s finding how to enable others to learn that is the tricky part.

7. Pretty much everything my parents taught me I have found to be true and I’m thankful every day to have had such God-fearing, devoted parents. I am ever amazed that they’ve pulled off raising 2 grown kids that are at least somewhat normal with 3 more still at home. Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.

8. People are often interested in your friendship, even if it seems that they are not. Worst case scenario, someone takes you to just be nice and polite. No harm done.

9. Connecting to a church is probably among the most important things you can do.

10. Life is perpetually in transition. Maybe it’s because I’m 23, but, I’ve decided that it is much better to simply accept this as the norm rather than fighting it.

11. Almost everything I’ve learned in public health revolves around treating people fairly with integrity, humility, and compassion. Where have I heard that before…

12. There is no point in complaining about things you cannot change. Deal with it, do the best you can, and move forward.

13. I like people. A lot. Anyone. I love nothing more than playing with a squirrely almost two year old, chatting it up with one of my adorable “older adult” patients, or interacting with students.

I know that 2013 has been a year filled with joys, sorrows, triumphs, and disappointments for virtually everyone. I hope you all have a splendid 2014. I’m excited to see what God has in store. 

The journey continues

In one paragraph, I shall attempt to catch you all up on my life since my last post - apologies for that being so long ago. You've been forewarned that this will probably be one long paragraph: 

Over the past 4 months, I have completed and graduated from my dietetic internship, successfully passed the registration examination for dietitians (aka, I'm an RD!), become a licensed dietitian, started work as a PRN relief dietitian at UIHC, took two online grad courses over the summer (while working full-time...it was busy), moved, purchased my first car, and just today completed my fourth week as a 2nd year MPH student and grad assistant at Iowa. On the extracurricular side, I've continued to be involved in my church in varying capacities, been able to babysit some pretty adorable children, run a few races, tried my hand at painting canvases for my wall (which actually turned out half-ways decent), went camping. I probably left something out somewhere, but this description will suffice. 

Throughout this incredibly busy, challenging, and oftentimes stressful time of life, God has remained to be ever-present and faithful. He's given me supportive friends and family to keep me sane, communities in which I am able to minister and serve, I get to live one more year in a city that I love, and my knee is finally better and I can run as much as I want! While the above paragraph may lead you to believe that I have it all together, by no means allow yourself to think that for a moment. I struggle with life issues just like any other human, I still don't know what I want to do with my life following graduation in August, and my courses and jobs have been challenging me in unforeseen ways. Not so much due to the content (grad school for me is not near as intensive as that of the didactic learning of undergrad), but more because of the issues, ideas, and thoughts with which I continually wrestle and regarding which I try to develop educated opinions. Let me explain. 

In public health we are, obviously, concerned about the health of individuals, families, and communities. So, basically everyone. Furthermore, we quickly learn that, when public health is doing its job correctly, no one knows we exist. So, I'm earning my masters degree in a basically unseen/unknown area that often not appreciated and does not receive enough funding to complete desired activities. Additionally, my heart breaks most days for the stories told by researchers who have worked with the Native American population, other ethnic minorities, health disparities, abuse (physical and otherwise), and many other scenarios. Furthermore, my brain starts to become challenged in regards to human rights (what things do or should we consider a basic human right?), the government's role in the nation's health (when can we intervene appropriately when individual responsibility is not failing?), how to effectively help others, do these efforts really make a difference, why has the human race done such a terrible job of caring for the health of themselves and the planet, and many more ethical dilemmas. All this aside from the fact of me trying to figure out how a dietitian fits into this public health arena. 

And then there's the issue of me still being unsure what I really want to do for my life's work. I have continued to really enjoy teaching (I'm teaching two sections of one course on my own, grading for another course), I like academics (yay school!), but I also like the clinical aspect of my RD job, too. About the only thing I've concretely decided is that I really like pediatric work of any variety. I have recurrent thoughts of completing a BSN, or going to medical school, or PA school, or earning my doctorate. I sometimes wonder why I became a dietitian in the first place and question whether this is really where I'm meant to be. So, once again, I'm not 100% sure of what I'm currently doing and I am in the place of not knowing where the next year will take me. It's becoming a trend. ; ) Honestly, this has been causing me some unrest, although this is subsiding now. I want to serve people in the best capacity I can while using my gifts. SO, what does that look like? And, who decides this? Me? Maybe my unrest has been due to an issue of control: Perhaps, unwittingly, I think I should be the one to determine where I am "best" serving and using my gifts, rather than my Creator who truly is the one calling the shots. Going back to the trusty Westminster, my primary purpose is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Outside of that, I just need to trust God and remember that other life decisions and career paths will be evident at the necessary time - and not before. Micah 6:8 sums it up pretty well: 

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (ESV)

So, friends, be just, be kind, and walk humbly. The rest will come. 

Nearing the finish

            Enjoying my first evening off in…let’s just say quite awhile, I realized that this blog needs some updating. Two months is perhaps pushing it just a bit. Not surprising to any of you, I’m sure, my life as a dietetic intern has continued to be busy. But, the big news is, we graduate next Friday, meaning that we only have 6 more days of actual rotations! I’m excited, obviously, but also have been feeling a little down. No matter how many times it happens (which I have learned is, essentially, all the time), change is hard. And moving on to a more normalized adult life, while exciting in many aspects, means that I have to come to grips with the fact that I will soon and very soon be a licensed professional working independently.  I know that I am competent, generally confident, and able to perform my job. It’s just weird to know that I am so close to being at the finish line of five-and-counting years of difficult and ever-challenging work. Good thing I’m prolonging the whole full-time job aspect of this thing for another year. ;) Yay for grad school-which, sidenote, begins again for me in 1 ½ weeks!  

                In regards to an update on rotations, I’ve now completed community nutrition and, within the food service management realm, retail and patient services. Community nutrition was four weeks primarily of observation, which I didn’t mind due to the fact that we were exposed to so many different aspects of dietetics. We spent time in long-term care, working with the Blue Zones Project in Muscatine, IA, taught a health fair for 5-6^th graders, taught a nutrition lesson to 3-4^th graders, visited a school food service operation, Johnson County WIC, and other things that I’m unable to remember at this time. All in all, it was a good experience. We did have extra free time, which was nice, as it gave me an opportunity to finalize grad school details.

                Both retail and patient services were great as a way to gain more exposure to still other areas of dietetics. They also served as a good reminder of the importance of knowing your employees and being a manager whom they both trust and respect. While in retail, I spent time developing materials on composting awareness, as UIHC began a composting program about two months ago for food waste and other compostable materials (including our new  compostable to-go containers, cups, etc.) We also standardized a few new recipes for possible inclusion in the summer menus of the various cafeterias. Patient services consisted primarily of observation, but it was good to see the entire process of the patient menu (which is a la carte/room service style at UIHC), formula preparation and delivery, and sanitation, in addition to the actual managerial aspects of the various areas.

                One thing I’m realizing, in all of these experiences, is that I am still unsure of what I really want to do, which is frustrating to an individual who wants to serve in a way that fills the biggest need possible while using my talents. I enjoy each area of dietetics and honestly could see myself working as a clinical dietitian, a food service manager, a professor, or a community-based R.D. I am ever-reminded of my love for people, of all ages, ethnicities, shapes, sizes, and sorts. I know that I am passionate about investing in their lives and serving the needs of others. At the same time, I am very much academically minded, organized, and in many ways fit the mold of the stereotypical dietitian. Obviously, this makes deciding on a career path a little difficult. Also, there is often a nagging fear in the back of my mind that I’m not doing enough to serve others, or that I don’t know where I best fit. Try as I might to assure myself that I’m where I’m meant to be and that there are many avenues to achieve this end, I must admit that these thoughts still occur. But, I’ve decided to rest in the fact that God must have made me this way for a reason, that this reason will become evident at the right time (and not before), and, meanwhile, my job is to follow His lead.

                So, as I enter into the end of the last phase of my internship, I plan to enjoy these moments as much as possible, with as little worrying as possible. Currently, I am working on special projects with managerial staff. Along with two other interns, our present project is developing and revamping website content for various departmental webpages. All these things that you don’t realize have to actually be done by someone….until you’re the one doing them. J On the non-work side, I just got back from my first trip to the Iowa City Farmer’s Market, which was fun. Definitely will be going back again later in the growing season. Also, I’m doing a color run this weekend with a few other interns, for which I am super excited! Hopefully all that dye will come off before graduation…..

                I wish you all a great and lovely day, my friends! No matter if you’re feeling depressed, unsure, happy, sad, or otherwise, rejoice in the fact that we have a Father who loves us. A lot. And has a plan for us. And made us for the sole purpose of glorifying Him and enjoying Him forever. I don’t know about you, but being reminded of that fact always makes my current situation seem ever so much better.