Love it (no pun intended) or hate it, Valentine’s Day is
here. While I have only been in a dating/marriage relationship for three of the
twenty-six Valentine’s Days I’ve experienced, I must say that I’ve actually
always enjoyed the day. Yes, there was some annoyance with the overly and
outwardly affectionate couples, and there was sometimes that feeling of
awkwardness about being one of the precious few single folks (or, so it seemed
at the time.) But, overall, I have fond recollections of Valentine’s Day. From
the homeschool group parties growing up to special packages from my
grandparents to fun times spent with my roommates during college, I’ve never
thought bitterly about this particular holiday.
But, I don’t think this is the case for everyone. My
Facebook feed abounds with posts about embracing singleness (or, drowning your
woes of such feelings with other similarly-placed friends), “Galentines Day”
posts, and any number of other similarly-sentimented things. And, let me say
right now, I think this can be good. Everyone is loved and valued and special;
when they don’t believe this to be true, it makes me incredibly sad. We all need a boost sometimes. But,
behind all of these “singleness power” or “I’m loved, too” style posts, I can’t
help but feel that there is a sadness, a longing to belong, a desire to be (and
more importantly feel) really and truly loved.
Case in point, my Google Play station just showed a “Being
Single” mood for choosing music this evening.
And so, this will not be your traditional “I love my husband
and here’s my gushing about how awesome he is” Valentine's Day post. He is, don’t get me wrong,
but I don’t think this is the time and place. And here’s why: I think, as a
culture, we have a serious problem with the word “love.” We want to be loved,
and loved in return, and I sense the hurt and longing associated with that word
among those I interact with each day. But, when we place our focus on this
romantic love, we lose sight of the greatest love in our lives, the one that
gives meaning to the love we experience in our other relationships.
And so, friends, I hope and pray that you feel loved.
Because you are. So much that someone (and not just “someone,” but the Creator
of the universe) sent His only Son – completely blameless of any wrongdoing –
to die for you. If that doesn’t give you meaning and purpose, I’m not sure I
know what will. And this is just the point: When we look for fulfillment in dating
relationships or marriage or our jobs or our children or any other thing, we won’t feel completely loved. These
things are not where we’re meant to find our worth. All of them are good. All
of them are from God. They can most definitely be used for His glory and to
further His kingdom. However, when taken out of such context, the very things
that make up the daily fabric of our lives lose part of their meaning.
While I am very happily married this Valentine’s Day and am
looking forward to many more with my husband, I can also say that I was very
happily single on Valentine’s Days past. Not that I never wished I was dating
someone or never struggled at times with feelings of “what is wrong with me and
why does no one seem interested in me?” I definitely did. (To put this in
perspective, I went on my first legitimate date during my second year of grad
school.) This feeling intensified when a brief dating relationship prior to my
meeting Josiah came to rest. Through all these instances, though, I learned
that my worth and meaning needed to be firmly and only rooted in my identity as
a child of God. My purpose in this world is to glorify Him, and that can be
done through a variety of ways – single, dating, or married. It wasn’t an “I
don’t need a man!” attitude, but rather, one of relying on God to place me
where He wanted me to be. And so, I have embraced the people and opportunities are around me. I have tried to show others
this same love and truth that I myself experience. And in these things, I have
been content. In years past, I did not feel lesser (or superior, pending the
circles I was in) to my married friends. I wasn’t particularly seeking out to
change my life’s relationship status. I was really and truly fulfilled, happy,
and loved, just as I am now. This has obviously changed in regards how it is
experienced recently compared to previously, but the inner workings of Martha
and how I feel have remained much the same. I can’t imagine my life without my
husband now; he truly does complete me and points me daily - lets be real,
multiple times per day - towards my need for Christ. But, I also felt complete
prior to being married.
And so, friends, if my ramblings today have made no sense, remember
this: No matter what your relationship status or lack thereof, please, please remember: You are loved, by me,
by others, and most importantly, by the origin of all true love. Celebrate the
day with flowers and chocolate and all number of other special things. But, please
do not forget the essence of what it all means.
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